Mother of the Bride Advice, Part 1

Three weeks have passed since the big date, and MoB has had a bit of time to reflect on this whole wedding process. It's only right and proper that I pass along some of what I learned along the way.

First, keep good records. Store all contracts, estimates, and invoices in one place so that you can get your hands on them. Bride did a good job of this. All these things come in handy when a month or a week or a day out from the wedding, a vendor wants to stiff you for something not agreed upon or wants you to pay for something you've already taken care of. This dovetails into . . .

Warning #1: Vendors and others vital to your wedding process will - I repeat - will try to over-sell you stuff the closer you get to your Big Day. You may have signed off on venues, flowers, stationery, food and beverage, and so forth months before, but whoever you're paying money to will try their darndest to slip something over on you or guilt you into doing something you don't want to do. Guilt is big here. "Well, all the other brides are doing this-and-so . . . " "Everyone else does it this way . . . " "You're the first bride I've come across who doesn't want (fill in the blank) . . ."

Don't fall for it. It's your wedding, and if you don't give a flying flip about flowers or tablecloths or reception favors, do not get sucked in to feeling guilty about it. Do it your way. And if you've kept good records and have all your contracts at hand, hang on to them for dear life, wave them under the noses of people who gladly signed up with you months ago, and move on. Reception favors be damned.

Second, don't be shy about calling in the troops to help you pull this off. If they offer. Bride and MoB were refusing offers until the week before the wedding. Then, all bets were off. When someone asked what they could do to help, we warned them to be sure they were ready to do just that because we were accepting any and all offers. And you know what? Friends and family really do want to help. Elizabeth with the placecards (and apple cake!). Cindy, Jessica, and Kerry with the centerpieces and wedding programs. Dolores with the rehearsal "bouquets." And lots of others. Accepting help gave us occasion to talk and laugh and cut-up together. It saved us time and stress. Free and loving help is worth its weight in gold, if one had the gold to spend. (If no one offers to help, I guess you're on your own. Sorry.)

More advice coming soon. It's your wedding, honeychile!