RSVP: Don't make me have to call you

OK, folks. What more can we do? We furnished a little response card, plus the envelope, plus the stamp, with the invitation. Granted, we didn't send a writing instrument for you to use - obviously an oversight on our part. But we really tried to make it as easy on you as possible.

Miss Manners is not fond of the response card enclosure phenomenon, because she feels it shouldn't be the bride's responsiblity to pull RSVP's out of her guests:

Miss Manners, however, "hates response cards, although she admits they are widely used. Her feeling is that someone too rude to answer by hand will probably also fail to take the trouble to mail the card, so there goes your stamp, as well as your head count." She says that one possible solution is to call the people you haven't heard from a week before the event, "and ask them whether you will have the pleasure of their company. If that doesn't shame them, nothing will."

Listen, dear friends, we desperately need to know whether or not you are coming to the wedding (and more especially, the reception). I know the card says to respond by October 1, but really, what's holding you up?

Now, go fill out the card, put it in the envelope, and put it in the mail. Yes, now.

Or I start making the phone calls October 2.

Pre-wedding near catastrophes

We have to get some perspective on this thing. As the Big Day nears, Bride and MoB find themselves caught up in some pretty nit-picky stuff. Actually, the major stuff is taken care of - bride, groom, church, reception/food, cake, invitations, wedding attire for everyone, photographer, flowers, music, rings.

Still, we are engulfed in the not-so-major stuff like the wedding program, guestbook, bridesmaids' luncheon, and rehearsal dinner. Plus all the little things that we think of at 3am. And this is what keeps us up nights.

But we need to be gentle with ourselves right now, or bad things can happen.

For example, Bride had a fender-bender the other day. Not her fault, but takes her car out of circulation for a few days (or longer). Fortunately, no one was hurt. Unlike niece Colleen, whose wedding is in November. She broke her ankle a couple of weeks ago. Pins, boot, the works. So, our Bride was lucky. Just inconvenienced.

MoB had a rather ungraceful fall down some hard wooden stairs at a fancy New York restaurant Sunday before last. Ouch! But nothing was broken or required stitching. MoB was lucky, too. But today she found out her blood pressure's through the roof. Hm. How to calm that down, eh?

None of us want to attend the wedding on a stretcher, so I believe it behooves us to find ways to unwind, get a good night's sleep several nights in a row, and chill about the bubbles and bridesmaids' cake.

Yeah, yeah. Easier said than done. But, really. Let's put this stuff in perspective, shall we?

MoB Shoe Survey

I can't decide on which shoes to purchase for the big day. Here's what I've decided so far, though.

1. I'm opting for "pewter" not black or silver to complement my dress of sapphire blue taffeta. Black is too ordinary and silver, well, I just think I'll get more use out of the pewter gray. And, no, I never even considered dyed-to-match.


2. I really don't want to pay more than $100-$125 for them. There are too many more important things to spend cash on right now, and all of my selections fit my price range.


3. I will be comfortable in each of my selections, so don't wag your finger at me about the height of the heel. I can get through most of the day with any one of these and will feel free enough (or tipsy enough) to kick them off at some point during the reception.

OK. Here are the choices. Just vote by shoe number in the comment section.

Shoe 1

Shoe 2

Shoe 3

Shoe 4

Thanks for voting. Of course Bride and MoB have final say, whatever the vote. :-)

One month to go!

And the checklist grows every day. I'm talking about my checklist. No telling how long the Bride's list is by now. Here's a sampling from mine:

• Shoes. Yikes! I've found several pairs I like, but I can't decide. Maybe I'll do a shoe-blog and let you weigh in on which I should choose.


• Bubbles. Ordered. I've also ordered the blue and ivory tulle to wrap each little bubble container in. I do have to get over to M&J Trimming and pick up 40 yards of brown satin ribbon to tie them with. Then I have to actually wrap each and send the whole mess down to Atlanta.


• Buttons for MoB dress. I'll get those at M&J as well. Dress is being altered, so I'll need to get the buttons to the alteration place on Saturday.


• Guestbook needs to be designed and ordered from the Kodak website. We're using a photo album with Kate's engagement pictures and plenty of space to write names, well-wishes, etc., but I'm waiting for the high-res photos before I can put it together and order.


• Bridesmaids' cake. Ordered. From Rhodes Bakery , for the bridesmaids luncheon. Must buy the charms and ribbon to be baked into cake. Take trinkets to Rhodes when I get to Atlanta.


• Wedding program. I'm working on it. Collecting the names of wedding participants and figuring out how to format the service from the Book of Common Prayer. Plus add the words for the recessional hymn and directions to the reception site. As I said, I'm working on it. (Bride: have you chosen the readings for the service? Refer to your BCP, please.)


• Review budget.


• Stay calm.

OK. That's it for right now. The list grows by the minute. It'll all get done. I have one month. Tick. Tick. Tick.

And bubbles signify . . . what?

We're in the picky-detail stage of the wedding, now that it's just a few weeks away. Even though I live in New York, a million miles from Atlanta, there are still a few MoB tasks that I can do from here. One thing I can do is trick out the little bubble favors for the reception.

Yeah. Bubbles. Back in the olden days - for thousands of years, I think - well-wishers threw rice at the bride and groom as a symbol of hopeful fertility. Rice = Babies. I get that. But somewhere along the way, in the last 20 years or so, throwing rice has become a big no-no.

First, a myth got started that throwing rice was bad for birds. Theory was that sweet little birds would eat the tossed rice from the ground, the grains would swell up inside the birds, and somehow that would kill the little avians. Well, that's not true. In fact, when you stop to think about it, that's just stupid. Birds eat all kinds of grains, and they don't swell up and die.

Now the anti-rice brigade has two arguments. One: that folks can slip and fall on the rice left on sidewalks and driveways. This may be true, though I've never heard of mass rice-slippage deaths and injuries. We'll have to look up those statistics to get to the heart of the matter on that. Two: rice is a pain in the ass to clean up. I'm sure this is the primary reason venues won't allow rice to be thrown - sheer laziness. I mean, can't you just sweep the stuff off the pavement and into the grass? What's the harm there?

But no. Mustn't thrown rice - age-old fertility tradition - at 21st century brides and grooms. So what can you do? So far, allowable choices at Bride's reception venue are flower petals, and bubbles. Hm. Flower petals seem kinda wussy and Hare Krishna-esque to me. And isn't there the possibility of slipping on those, as well?

That leaves - ta-da! - bubbles. I'm not sure of the symbolism around bubbles, from a fertility standpoint I mean. With bubbles, I feel the wish is "Y'all be clean!" or "Remember to do your laundry!" But it just doesn't say "Go forth and multiply!" like a handful of rice. Are you with me on this?

Anyway. I'm stuck with bubbles. I will order the miniature plain white bubble bottles and tie them up in cornflower and ivory tulle to make them a little perkier. They'll be adorable.

But, still. Bubbles?

Guess what came in the mail today?

My sweet daughter's wedding invitation. In all its glory. It was an odd feeling to open my mailbox and find it there, addressed by my own hand when I was in Atlanta last month. Yes, it was a weirdly poignant thing. Everything speeds up from here . . .

The Uber-Registry: Pro or Con?

Back in the olden days (1970s), bridal registry meant china (formal and everyday), crystal (formal and everyday), and silver (and/or flatware) registry. After all, one only needed 8 or 10 or 12 place settings, and a registry helped the bride and her hearty gift-givers build the perfect number of place-settings for her table.

As a newly-engaged bride-to-be, I rushed down to the local department stores and put my name in the hat for my Noritake Polonaise china, Royal Danish sterling, and California Strawberry everyday pattern. (I don't remember what my crystal selections were; priorities change over the years.) Boom! That was it.

The rest of the gifts were - let's face it - a crap shoot. Just so many pigs-in-pokes. Some things were wonderful: lovely placemats and napkins, a Belleek sugar and creamer, sheets and towel sets. Some things were, um, interesting: a "lemon server" (actually, just a saucer with a cup handle glued to it!), a really awful string art thingy (all the rage in 1973), a big carnival glass bowl (which is probably worth a lot of money now, but was considered pretty tasteless in my day). Most things were useful and dear, no complaints here.

The problem was, of course, rampant duplication. You could always tell when the local store ran a sale on, say, silver bud vases or ceramic hamburger patty makers - 3 or 4 would land on your doorstep. Even more embarrassing was opening duplicates or triplicates at a bridal shower. Oh, geez! For one, you're grateful. The second, well, gee, I can certainly use two of these things. But by number three, it's painful nervous giggling. Like a little test for the bride. (Let's see how she gets out of this!)

But nowadays, a bride and groom can register for any and everything. They get to go through stores with one of those zap guns and program a gift registry way beyond tableware. Pillows and artwork and patio furniture and all that fabulous kitchen stuff. They can register for really outrageously expensive things and under-$10 items. The smart couple gives their gift-givers lots of choices, from the ridiculous to the sublime (and also, the practical).

The upside to this is that brides no longer have to come up with a heartfelt thank you for the fourth bud vase at a bridal shower. And she saves the time and energy it used to take to return duplicate or unwanted gifts (if they were returnable at all).

The downside is that she can go online and track what's coming her way. Wait. Maybe that's an upside, too. After all, the gift-giver's name isn't attached, so though she knows what she's getting, she doesn't know who'd giving it.

Some folks complain about the new registry system. It's viewed as a little grabby and gift-centric. My view on this is - oh, pooh on you! First of all, an invitee is not required to send a gift from a registry. He/she can still send that ugly set of plaster-of-paris pink-and-gold vases or slide a nice little check in an envelope. Or send nothing at all.

But many people love the ease of going online, checking a registry, and making a purchase knowing that it's truly what the bride and groom want. Count me in. Woo-hoo! Everyone's a winner!

So, what do you think? Are the uber-registries mercenary or marvelous?

By the way, Kate and Greg are registered at Bloomingdale's, Williams-Sonoma, ZGallerie, and Target. Something there for every pocketbook, friends.